It is easy to fall into the habit of everyone being in a different spot and barely crossing paths. Everyone off pursuing their own interests. And a few years back that sounded like pure bliss. I now realize you CAN have too much of a good thing. So we made the family decision to take back Sundays.
We are on week two and it has been great at moments and we've had our rough spots. I believe it is the rough spots that teach us the most. We have to be charitable. We have to be tolerant. We have to sacrifice our "me time" to perhaps do an activity another family member really enjoys.
So if you are reading this and you have younger kids, you may be thinking it sounds like heaven to have time to do what YOU want to do. I will be honest, at times, it is. But let's get real...is that why we became Mothers? Alone time? I believe for my family, I want to build memories and that doesn't stop when they become teens and blowing bubbles and baking cookies no longer sounds like the most fun activity, ever. So that is the hard part. In my experience, as the boys have gotten older it has gotten more challenging to keep them engaged with the family.
And so here is the part where I am stumped. How do I make that happen without over complicating it? How do I do that without making it all about me and what I want? How do I do that without making them want to run for the hills and not look back?
If you have already passed through this phase of parenting, I would love your wisdom. If you haven't gotten to this phase yet, how do you think you will handle it? If you are in this phase, well, God Bless you, cuz it ain't easy.
So that is what I am looking for today. Advice, thoughts, ideas. Got any? Please share.
Because, this......
Is what it's all about.
Can I get an "amen?"
18 sweet comments:
hmmm...i'm not there yet. my kids want to constantly be with us or around us which is fine by us - i enjoy them immensely. i admire that you're trying to take the time and be together! maybe playing wii together? or board games? planning a meal and cooking it together? then you could do a dinner/movie night thing. i realize these are all probably lame but i have no teen/tween experience yet ;-)
So....at the risk of giving away the ages of my children at first reading.... how would asking all members to throw 5 ideas of a "Sunday something" on slips of paper into a fish bowl/hat/bowl/whatever, and pick one each Sunday? Is it too obvious that I am not at that phase?.... But I am learning SO much by watching, so please keep sharing. : )
I'm not really there yet, but already I feel at times like we don't get enough quality time together. The other day I asked everyone what they would want to do together. Camping, visit the botanical gardens, go to the city, and a museum...I have the next few weeks planned. Maybe you can ask everyone to come up with a way to spend Sunday as a family.
It's so hard. I hear ya. I want my girls to grow up and like us and think they had a good childhood.
I am at the "God bless you" phase. I don't know... Is it a family activity if 3/4 of the family is present?
I won't suggest bowling. I think the things we do best together are work and vacation. Maybe a volunteer activity?
In my case, the mister wouldn't be caught dead playing a board game, and sitting still long enough to watch a movie drives me to the brink of insanity.
baby steps... they will come around to it. Mine are all grown and call me one of their best friends. But... I had girls and they were happy to shop and do a movie. They were busy though and had jobs so we didn't always get them for a whole day. Take your moments where you can get them. It will all work out. xoxo
AMEN!!!
I miss my daughter and she lives at home. But between work and school we never see her.
AMEN sister! I am guessing you already do this, but to keep them interested, take turns having one person each week pick the activity. I am sure this is such a hard stage, and I think you are such an awesome mom to realize your family needs this time!
With Boyd being 3, I appreciate "alone" time, but that only means I like a few hours a week, seriously. Just to regroup and clear my head. You are so right, we became moms in order to BE A MOM....the focus is now on our kids, and that is the way it is intended to be.
LOVE your post. I think I could write a book here, but I totally get it!
LOVE the photo. :)
Not there yet, but storing up knowledge for the future. I love, love, love Katrina Kenison's book about this stage called "The Gift of the Ordinary Day". I have read it so many times and love her gift of expressing what we feel as mothers, trying to hold tight as we let go. I know you are a reader, so you may already have read it, but if you haven't...get it today!
AMEN! We're not there yet, but I know it's just around the corner. Our kids always seem to like fun day trips that involve good food! We have friends that go to breakfast together every Sunday after Mass. Maybe rotating every week and letting a different family member pick that Sunday's activity.
I can't wait to hear what works best!
Looks like you have gotten some great advice here already. We are not there yet, but I can see glimpses of it in the near future...and frankly, I don't like it one bit!:)
I love the idea of everyone taking turns picking an activity, or the ideas in a jar to pick from is pretty neat too. Sometimes I think just grabbing those simple moments like a ride in the car, or a quick trip to the grocery store can be turned into impromptu family moments too, and sometimes those are the best!
Have a happy day
I grew up the oldest of four children and my parents insisted that we spend Sunday together. As I reached my teen years, I know I gave them a hard time and sometimes pouted when I thought I would rather be with my friends. Looking back, I am so thankful for those times that we spent together.
Now I have four children of my own (ages 5-11) and we try to plan "Family Fun Day" at least once or twice a month. So far, they all still love it. A few weeks ago we made a list of things we'd like to do this year and posted it on the refrigerator. It reminds us not to let the time slip away.
I just happened upon your blog! I'm in the same spot.... I'm going to find out the answer, too!
Just landed on your blog and wow, I have two boys 5 and 7 and am already thinking about this topic too. Looking forward to seeing the replies. For us, we try to do things like go bowling, go for hikes, or to cultural activities. Also we make time every summer to spend a week or so in the woods either in a cabin, or now we are doing some camping. No tech stuff, no electronics, no tv. Hopefully we can sustain this...
Wow, isn't it funny that when your kids are little all you want is a minute to yourself and then as soon as they don't need you as much they immediately have to be forced to spend time with you?
One thing that has always been popular in our house is Friday night pizza and move night. We have done this for about 10 years. I usually make home made pizza dough in my Kitchen Aid mixer late in the afternoon and let is rise then everyone makes their own pizza and we eat it in the tv room drinking wine (well my husband and I drink wine) the boys are still content with Coke.
The only problem is that with 3 guys vs 1 mother...let's just say we don't watch many chick flicks.
We can't do this as much any more because our oldest son isn't home form university every weekend. When he does come home he brings his girlfriend which helps me sneak in a few more "girl-friendly" movies.
Here is the pizza dough recipe if you are feeling Martha Stewart-like:
2 cups warm water
1 Tablespoon yeast
3 Tablespoons sugar
Combine and let sit for 10 minutes then add:
4 Tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon salt
4.5 cups flour
Knead together with the dough hook attachment until dough forms a ball.
Put a bit more olive oil in a large bowl and add the ball of dough, turning it to coat all sides with the olive oil. Cover bowl with plastic wrap and let rise in a warm place.
Divide dough in 3 equal balls. Each ball should make a 12 inch pizza (roll it quite thin). Cook at 450 degrees. Enjoy!
The best thing about the husband being on "injured reserve" is that he has spent more time at home. He's more involved in everything the kids do....activities, playing, school and homework. I think it's given him a different perspective on what goes on around the house when he's working. It's a new sense of together time for him. We've used that time to do things the kids like to do like go out for ice cream, climb a train caboose in the town of Clifton, play soccer in the front yard and play games. Last weekend we played Yahtzee which the husband has never played EVER! Shocking, I know. My son is old enough now that he can start learning the game and keep his own score. It was a right of passage for both! Things like that and traditions we keep are the things I hope my kids will remember fondly. :0)
One of the MANY reasons I love your blog is the perspective you provide. This post really made me think about how to nourish our family as the kids get older and their interests change. I mean, it's ALREADY a challenge and someone is always complaining...I can't even begin to think about a few years from now...
Thanks, as always :-)
Had to come back to this post. I'm feeling guilty. I'm getting some time away from Boyd this weekend, but after you made this post, I am kind of looking forward to it, but am feeling bad too! I really loved what you wrote here.
I need a little time to regroup. I've had a lot going on this week. BUT I know I will look forward to being with Boyd all next week.....
:))
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